Doing and Doing

And doing. Indeed, I have some facts to share.

1. We are very much on our neighbor’s s**t list. Fortunately, it has nothing to do with the kids.

The following cheewawa barreled into the hallway the other morning and bit said neighbor’s sweet little shih tzu, who was entirely minding his own business.

This is a gal who really, really, *really* loves her dog, so it was as if I’d barreled out of our apartment myself and peed on her carpet.

It’s okay to *have* a dark side, but flaunting it is another issue entirely.

We slid a note of contrition under her door tonight.

Alosha: “That is a very long apology.”

Julia: “Yes, it is.”

Enter the Gentle Leader training collar. Jenna looks thrilled, doesn’t she?

2. Going from one to three kids has us a-hopping.

Number of kids signed up for afternoon classes at the Fashion Institute of Technology two weeks ago: 3

Number remaining: 1

Our attempt to set up groovy urban American teenager social integration opportunities went over like a dead hamster. I reassigned el nino to basketball camp (tepidly liked, at best), and allowed la nina to quit entirely.

It is my hope that this will one day become family lore. “Remember the summer I went to fashion camp hell and Mom was so cool and let me quit?” But we’ll see on that.

Julia, by email to the FIT program directors: “An option would be for me to attend the class in her place. If I bust out the Oil of Olay right now and begin slathering, we’ll all pray for me to look 17 again. Do you think Jesus would mind taking a little time out of the winemaking and dead-raising duties to grant me this one?”

Yes, I wrote that in real life. You were afraid I was going to say that, weren’t you?

3. In real life, I also covet el nino’s new glasses.

My inner 9-to-13-yr-old boy would wear these in a heartbeat. Yours wouldn’t?

“The spectre of the pirate’s skull and crossbones leers out from the temple.” Which is a huge selling point.

4. The following, introduced yesterday, are now but a distant memory.

Nothing too unusual: Rice Krispie treats and your classic chocolate peanut butter no bakes, inspired by the fact that I had a brain spasm and accidentally purchased two (2) gigunda boxes of Quaker Oats from Costco. As a result, I could singlehandedly smack down the cholesterol level of the better part of Queens at this moment.

Even more excellent was the fact that I deemed these both a healthy breakfast food. That was rather un-clenchy and cool-mommy of me, wasn’t it?

5. Could someone please help me decipher the content of my kitchen wall?

I think I got this one: A floorplan of their foster home, about to be decimated by an upbeat ogre duck.

The (apparently verbal) upbeat ogre duck’s name is David? You tell me. And please don’t drunk dial that number.

I will admit to being a bad slumber partyer at some ont in my child, one of my abundant quirk-flaws. But how they figured this out?

Pray they can’t read the rapidly-calcifying contents of my head. That would be of no benefit whatsoever, to anyone. Trust me on this one.

The more you shoosh them, the nuttier they get. Lather, rinse, repeat.


4 thoughts on “Doing and Doing

  1. Wondering if you would like to get on the ADORE list of a different neighbor by feeding her healthy breakfast food…

  2. One of my optical co-workers saw the frames on my screen and thought they were awesome! We will probably look for them to put in stock!! 🙂

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